Sertive style Essay Example for Free

Sertive style Essay â€Å"A Telephone Call† by Dorothy Parker is a short story that focuses on a woman waiting for a man to call her. He told her, â€Å"I’ll call you at five, darling† (Parker, 1) but as time passes he still has not called. She begins to bargain with God by begging Him to make the man call her as well as by keeping her from calling the man (Parker, 1). The woman in this short story takes a classic lamb’s approach to asserting herself. She begs and pleads with God by attempting to make her reasoning and logic seem sound while also attempting to make God feel compassionate towards her strong desire to have the man call her as he said he would. The lamb’s approach to assertiveness is not effective nor is it appropriate for a grown woman to use in her quest to get what she wants (Sichel, 14). Instead, Sichel suggests that the most effective form of assertiveness is the self-assertive style which does away with the threatening and whining that accompany other forms of assertiveness (14). Assertive style #1 is based on avoidance and using tactics to evoke guilt, to manipulate, to bully, to scare or to threaten (Sichel, 15). In â€Å"A Telephone Call† the woman uses the guilt tactic in order to try to get God to make the man call her immediately. She uses phrases such as, â€Å"let him call me now† or â€Å"I won’t ask anything else of you† (Parker, 1) in order to try to get God to feel sorry for her and to guilt Him into making the man call. As the story progresses, the woman begins to take a whining approach to convincing God to prompt the man to call right away. She rambles on about why he may not have called yet but then continues to plead with God to make the telephone ring. This technique is highly ineffective in getting what one wants because whining is very annoying and is particularly irritating coming from a grown woman. Attempting to make God do anything is a fruitless pursuit to begin with and adding pleading and begging to the mix is not an effective way to get what one wants. Assertive style #2 is concerned with narcissistic exaggeration that uses black and white statements to evoke a sense of drama into assertive statements. The lamb’s approach to assertiveness using this style depends on the use of phrases such as, â€Å"you’re never† and â€Å"it’s impossible† (Sichel, 15). The woman in â€Å"A Telephone Call† uses similar phrases in her attempt to get God to make the telephone ring. The woman also gets quite dramatic as is evident in her ramblings about possible reasons why the man has not called yet. She begins to wonder if he does not like her as she thought he did and goes on to believe that God is angry with her which leads to the ultimate dramatic expression that she wishes the man were dead (Parker, 1). Further, her constant waffling back and forth evokes a strong sense of drama into the short story because one second she is trying to convince herself that there is a very good reason why the man has not called yet and the next second she is wishing him ill will or even death (Parker, 1). Again, this type of assertiveness is neither effective nor mature. Phrases that use words such as â€Å"never† and â€Å"impossible† are highly dramatic because they are words that display exaggeration rather than problem solving techniques. Drama rarely leads to positive solutions but usually leads to the mind going off on tangents that never solve anything as is the case in â€Å"A Telephone Call. † Assertive style #3 focuses on the disavowel of assertion in order to appear nice. The lamb’s approach to using this assertive style is to appear nice by using such phrases as, â€Å"don’t you think it would be good? † (Sichel, 15). This type of questioning allows a person to get their anger out while also using a nice tone of voice in hopes that they will still get what they want. The woman in â€Å"ATelephone Call† is a master at this technique. During her pleading with God she says, â€Å"Ah, don’t let my prayer seem too little to you God† (Parker, 1). The reader is well aware of how desperate and angry the woman is becoming as the story progresses but the way she phrases this question evokes niceness without backing down on the anger. Similarly, she later asks God, â€Å"Are you punishing me God, because I’ve been bad? † (Parker, 1). It is clear from this statement that she is getting increasingly desperate and angry while also realizing that yelling and screaming at God will get her nowhere. This technique is not effective either. God, and most humans as well, can tell the difference between a sincere assertive question and an angry rant disguised by a nice tone of voice. The woman in this story is clearly desperate but goes about stating her case to God in an immature and childish way that garners no results. Assertive style #4 deals with indirect and evasive techniques instead of strong assertive behavior. The lamb’s approach to this style is to mask tough questions with gentle phrases such as, â€Å"do you think you might want to? † (Sichel, 15). Once again the woman in â€Å"A Telephone Call† uses this style in order to convince God to make the telephone ring. She does not ever come right out and say something truly assertive by telling God specifically what she wants and why it is important to her. Instead, she takes on a whining and manipulative tone of voice that relies on pleading and begging to get what she wants. At one point in the story she says, â€Å"I’ll be good, God. I will try to be better, I will, if you will let me see him again. If you will let me telephone me. Oh, let him telephone me now† (Parker, 1). These types of statements are whiny and manipulative and do not focus on the reasons why the woman wants God’s help and reassurance. Instead, they focus on pleading with God in the hopes that He will get tired of listening to her begging and grant her request. This type of assertiveness is rarely effective because it relies on the breaking point of humans in order to get what one wants. It is similar to a child whining until his or her parents get tired of hearing it and just give in to make it stop. Assertive style #5 deals with the issue of denial of ownership. The lamb’s approach to this style is to mask anger with words such as â€Å"never† (Sichel, 16). The woman in â€Å"A Telephone Call† uses this technique throughout the short story as she continues to bargain with God in hopes that the man will call. Towards the end of the story the woman’s begging and pleading begin to focus on God himself and the fact that he cannot possibly understand what she is going through. â€Å"You don’t know how it feels. You’re so safe, there on your throne, with the blue swirling under you. Nothing can touch you; no one can twist your heart in his hands† (Parker, 1). Again, instead of clearly stating her reasons why she hopes God can help her, she puts the blame on God. She takes the ownership of the problem off of herself and tries to make God see that, as a human woman, she is truly suffering, which is something that she does not feel God is taking seriously enough. Instead of talking with God about what her possible role in the problem could be, she makes herself appear to be an angel while the man who does not call and the entire situation are made to appear as the evil ones. This is not an effective assertive technique because it does not require a person to take responsibility for the problem as well as the eventual solution. Similar to the other styles, it relies on whining and begging and other childish behavior rather than adult behavior. â€Å"A Telephone Call† is a highly entertaining and amusing story. If the woman in the story had used the lion’s approach to assertiveness the story would have taken a dangerous and angry turn which would not have produced such an enjoyable story. Similarly, if the woman had taken the self-assertive approach in the story it would have turned out rather boring. However, this is a story and the lamb’s approach to assertiveness is neither amusing nor effective in real life. If a real woman had a similar problem and strongly wished for a man to call her she may indeed turn to God for help. However, in order to effectively state her case and make her wishes known there are several suggestions and recommendations she should follow in order to ensure that she is taking the very best approach to getting what she wants and avoiding the type of drama that the woman in the story displayed. First, she must eliminate all whining and manipulation. These tactics result in an avoidance of the true problem and makes the woman appear immature and desperate instead of assertive enough to state her case in a strong tone of voice. Second, the woman in the story would have been much more effective if she would have avoided narcissistic exaggeration and drama. These just add additional hurdles to overcome when trying to get what one wants. Instead, the woman would have been more effective if she would have told God why she thought the man should call and why it was so important to her to have him call. It would also be effective to remember to say â€Å"please† and â€Å"thank you† while making the request. Similarly, the woman would have been more successful if she had simply stated her case without trying to sugarcoat her anger. This is rarely effective because it makes a person appear fake rather than genuine. The woman should have explicitly stated what she wanted from God and politely requested that He work with her to find a solution. At the same time, the woman was also indirect and evasive when she was trying to convince God to make the telephone ring. Again, she would have been more successful if she would have told God specifically what she wanted Him to do in order to help her. Instead of begging and pleading, she could have simply made her request in a direct and up front manner. Finally, the woman in the story denied ownership of her role in the problem. This usually backfires because people who need help should take an active role in proposing a solution rather than denying any responsibility for the problem. The woman would have been more effective in her request if she would have told God exactly how she felt, why she felt that way and once again asked God for help. The self-assertive approach to asking for something is the most effective because it uses mature techniques that allow a person to speak their mind and make their case in a calm and collected manner that motivates those around them to want to help rather than give in to avoid a dramatic display of childish behavior. Parker, Dorothy. â€Å"A Telephone Call. † 20 March 2009 http://www. classicshorts. com/stories/teleycal. html. Sichel, Mark. â€Å"The Five Styles of Avoidance and Self-Assertion. †

The Problem with Being Gay Essay -- Personal Narratives Homosexuality

The Problem with Being Gay About a year ago one of my best friends and I bought some glow-in-the-dark stars to paste on my ceiling. After about four hours of neck-straining work, we shut off all the lights in my room, closed the door, jumped onto my bed and looked up to admire the green glowing wonders above us. After a few minutes of quiet talking, my friend said something that totally blew me away. It might have been that he was tired from the day's work, or maybe a little light-headed from all the dust and stucco we inhaled while placing those stars on my ceiling. Or maybe it was the darkness that made him feel as if he had some kind of security. But something about the situation made him say one of the most serious things he ever said to me. He turned to me, almost touching my face, and whispered in my ear, "I think I am homosexual." I responded almost immediately "Are you sure?" And we talked and cried that night for three hours, he about how his life would be totally ruined and all his hopes and dreams crushed if he really was gay, and I about how it was probably just a phase he was going through. So I decided to see what happened; to let time run its course and see what results it brought. And although the subject did come up a couple more times throughout our senior year, we never discussed it with as much seriousness as that night. I admit that at that time I was still controlled by the immaturity and superficiality of the high school years and was not as accepting of my friend's revelation as I could have been; as a good friend should have been. Conformity to the adolescent laws of popularity was a must, and it prevented me as well as him from being absolutely clear and aware of our feeling... ...-in-the-dark stars?" I said, "yeah†¦" and he said, "I AM, I'M GAY." As this huge burden was lifted off his shoulders, as his secret became mine, I felt a strange mixture of emotions run through me. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. So I cried because I was both happy and sad. I know he was smiling when he told me that, but I soon realized that it was my fault that he never told anyone. He had held it in for an entire year because of my initial reaction and firm belief that it was just a phase. I figure that was my way of avoiding the subject at the time, but now I know that I am okay with my friend's sexuality because of my own feelings. And I am happy for him. But I still cry because I know that, in reality, his discovery and its social complications have changed the path of his lifelong hopes and aspirations, and that there is a rough road ahead of him.

Anarchy State and Utopia Essay

Distributive Justice Robert Nozick From Anarchy, State, and Utopia, 149-182, with omissions. Copyright @ 1974 by Basic Books, Inc. Reprinted by permission of Basic Books, a subsidiary of Perseus Books Group, LLC. The minimal state is the most extensive state that can be justified. Any state more extensive violates people’s rights. Yet many persons have put forth reasons purporting to justify a more extensive state. It is impossible within the compass of this book to examine all the reasons that have been put forth. Therefore, I shall focus upon those generally acknowledged to be most weighty and influential, to see precisely wherein they fail. In this chapter we consider the claim that a more extensive state is justified, because necessary (or the best instrument) to achieve distributive justice; in the next chapter we shall take up diverse other claims. The term â€Å"distributive justice† is not a neutral one. Hearing the term â€Å"distribution,† most people presume that some thing or mechanism uses some principle or criterion to give out a supply of things. Into this process of distributing shares some error may have crept. So it is an open question, at least, whether redistribution should take place; whether we should do again what has already been done once, though poorly. However, we are not in the position of children who have been given portions of pie by someone who now makes last minute adjustments to rectify careless cutting. There is no central distribution, no person or group entitled to control all the resources, jointly deciding how they are to be doled out. What each person gets, he gets from others who give to him in exchange for something, or as a gift. In a free society, diverse persons control different resources, and new holdings arise out of the voluntary exchanges and actions of persons. There is no more a distributing or distribution of shares than there is a distributing of mates in a society in which persons choose whom they shall marry. The total result is the product of many individual decisions which the different individuals involved are entitled to make. Some uses of the term â€Å"distribution,† it is true, do not imply a previous distributing appropriately judged by some criterion (for example, â€Å"probability distribution†); nevertheless, despite the title of this chapter, it would be best to use a terminology that clearly is neutral. We shall speak of people’s holdings; a principle of justice in holdings describes (part of) what justice tells us (requires) about holdings. I shall state first what I take to be the correct view about justice in holdings, and then turn to the discussion of alternate views. Section 1 The Entitlement Theory The subject of justice in holdings consists of three major topics. The first is the original acquisition of holdings, the appropriation of unheld things. This includes the issues of how unheld things may come to be held, the process, or processes, by which unheld things may come to be held, the things that may come to be held by these processes, the extent of what comes to be held by a particular process, and so on. We shall refer to the complicated truth about this topic, which we shall not formulate here, as the principle of justice in acquisition. The second topic concerns the transfer of holdings from one person to another. By what processes may a person transfer holdings to another? How may a person acquire a holding from another who holds it? Under this topic come general descriptions of voluntary exchange, and gift and (on the other hand) fraud, as well as reference to particular conventional details fixed upon in a given society. The complicated truth about this subject (with placeholders for conventional details) we shall call the principle of justice in transfer. And we shall suppose it also includes principles governing how a person may divest himself of a holding, passing it into an unheld state. ) If the world were wholly just, the following inductive definition would exhaustively cover the subject of justice in holdings. 1. A person who acquires a holding in accordance with the principle of justice in acquisition is entitled to that holding. 2. A person who acquires a holding in accordance with the principle of justice in transfer, from someone else entitled to the holding, is entitled to the holding. . No one is entitled to a holding except by (repeated) applications of 1 and 2. The complete principle of distributive justice would say simply that a distribution is just if everyone is entitled to the holdings they possess under the distribution. A distribution is just if it arises from another just distribution by legitimate means. The legitimate means of moving from one distribution to another are specified by the principle of justice in transfer. The legitimate first â€Å"moves† are specified by the principle of justice in acquisition. Whatever arises from a just situation by just steps is itself just. The means of change specified by the principle of justice in transfer preserve justice. As correct rules of inference are truth-preserving, and any conclusion deduced via repeated application of such rules from only true premisses is itself true, so the means of transition from one situation to another specified by the principle of justice in transfer are justice-preserving, and any situation actually arising from repeated transitions in accordance with the principle from a just situation is itself just. The parallel between justice-preserving transformations and truth-preserving transformations illuminates where it fails as well as where it holds. That a conclusion could have been deduced by truth-preserving means from premisses that are true suffices to show its truth. That from a just situation a situation could have arisen via justice-preserving means does not suffice to show its justice. The fact that a thief’s victims voluntarily could have presented him with gifts does not entitle the thief to his ill-gotten gains. Justice in holdings is historical; it depends upon what actually has happened. We shall return to this point later. Not all actual situations are generated in accordance with the two principles of justice in holdings: the principle of justice in acquisition and the principle of justice in transfer. Some people steal from others, or defraud them, or enslave them, seizing their product and preventing them from living as they choose, or forcibly exclude others from competing in exchanges. None of these are permissible modes of transition from one situation to another. And some persons acquire holdings by means not sanctioned by the principle of justice in acquisition. The existence of past injustice (previous violations of the first two principles of justice in holdings) raises the third major topic under justice in holdings: the rectification of injustice in holdings. If past injustice has shaped present holdings in various ways, some identifiable and some not, what now, if anything, ought to be done to rectify these injustices? What obligations do the performers of injustice have toward those whose position is worse than it would have been had the injustice not been done? Or, than it would have been had compensation been paid promptly? How, if at all, do things change if the beneficiaries and those made worse off are not the direct parties in the act of injustice, but, for example, their descendants? Is an injustice done to someone whose holding was itself based upon an unrectified injustice? How far back must one go in wiping clean the historical slate of injustices? What may victims of injustice permissibly do in order to rectify the injustices being done to them, including the many injustices done by persons acting through their government? I do not know of a thorough or theoretically sophisticated treatment of such issues. Idealizing greatly, let us suppose theoretical investigation will produce a principle of rectification. This principle uses historical information about previous situations and injustices done in them (as defined by the first two principles of justice and rights against interference), and information about the actual course of events that flowed from these injustices, until the present, and it yields a description (or descriptions) of holdings in the society. The principle of rectification presumably will make use of its best estimate of subjunctive information about what would have occurred (or a probability distribution over what might have occurred, using the expected value) if the injustice had not taken place. If the actual description of holdings turns out not to be one of the descriptions yielded by the principle, then one of the descriptions yielded must be realized. The general outlines of the theory of justice in holdings are that the holdings of a person are just if he is entitled to them by the principles of justice in acquisition and transfer, or by the principle of rectification of injustice (as specified by the first two principles). If each person’s holdings are just, then the total set (distribution) of holdings is just. To turn these general outlines into a specific theory we would have to specify the details of each of the three principles of justice in holdings: the principle of acquisition of holdings, the principle of transfer of holdings, and the principle of rectification of violations of the first two principles. I shall not attempt that task here (Locke’s principle of justice in acquisition is discussed below. )†¦ . How Liberty Upsets Patterns It is not clear how those holding alternative conceptions of distributive justice can reject the entitlement conception of justice in holdings. For suppose a distribution favored by one of these non-entitlement conceptions is realized.

Deaf Like Me Lit Review Chapter 1-10 Essay example

Deaf like Me The book starts with Louise and Thomas a couple who has one child, a son, Bruce. When Bruce is three, he gets German measles or rubella. After finding this out, Louise discovers that, she is pregnant with their second child. When Louise took Bruce to the doctor to get all of the information on the measles, the doctor was worried about Louise’s pregnancy, even thought she was not very far along. The doctor said that being around someone with these measles could possibly cause congenital defects for the baby. Of course, upon hearing this, Thomas and Louise went through a very worrisome and anxious nine months until the baby was born. Lynn was born in April of 1965. She is a joy to the parents because she seems to be a†¦show more content†¦This doctor then recommends her to another specialist, an audiologist at Children’s Memorial Hospital. The family headed out to California to go to the John Tracey Clinic. This was a clinic that specialized in deafness; the family finally thought that they could get the answers that they desperately had been wanting. The audiologist that they met with and tested Lynn was Mrs. Caldwell. First, however the Spradelys met with Dr. Murphy who tested Lynn to see how she was developing mentally and physically. Even though Lynn was not yet walking, she was still crawling well and could walk if she had something to hold her up and walk against. She was helping put her clothes on and besides talking and not being able to hear Dr. Murphy said that she was normal child. Lynn was small for her age so she was physically developing slowly but she was normal. This put the Spradleys at ease for their fear that Lynn was cognitively disabled was gone. When they went to Mrs. Caldwell for the testing, they were in for a waiting game. There was a series of tests that Lynn had to go through. Lynn ended up having a severe hearing impairment. At cycles per second Lynn was at a loss of 95 decibels the family was continually reminded that Lynn was not fully deaf but just had a severe hearing impairment that could possibly be improved, The testing at Lynn’s age was unreliable and the family held on toShow MoreRelatedAdvancing Effective Communicationcommunication, Cultural Competence, and Patient- and Family-Centered Care Quality Safety Equity53293 Words   |  214 Pages...........................vii Introduction ..........................................................................................................1 Terminology ........................................................................................................................................................................................1 A Roadmap to the Future .............................................................................................................................Read MoreIgbo Dictionary129408 Words   |  518 Pages............................................................................................................ 1 Editor’s note: The Echeruo (1997) and Igwe (1999) Igbo dictionaries ...................................................... 2 INTRODUCTION........................................................................................................................................... 4 1. 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